


Lonely is no good for me

by Trickster_67B



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Michifer - Freeform, My first fic, No beta reader, Past Child Abuse, Please be nice, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Supernatural - Freeform, at least I hope, luci loves micha, michael doesn't love him back, midam, not very nice michael, suicidal Lucifer, unrequired michifer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:34:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24790921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trickster_67B/pseuds/Trickster_67B
Summary: He was standing in front of the mirror in his bedroom, starring into it. “How could everyone love you?” he snarled at himself. His blue eyes, that ones shined bright and happy, now dull. He felt the familiar sting of coming tears. Slowly the first tear ran down his cheek followed by many more.
Relationships: Lucifer & Michael (Supernatural), Lucifer/Michael (Supernatural), Michael/Adam Milligan
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Lonely is no good for me

  
He was standing in front of the mirror in his bedroom, starring into it. “How could everyone love you?”, he snarled at himself.  
  
His blue eyes, that ones shined bright and happy, now dull. He felt the familiar sting of coming tears. Slowly the first tear ran down his cheek followed by many more. His lip began to trembled, when he was trying so hard to not let escape a sob. It would be weak to cry, to sob, to let his feelings show. What would his father say to the mess his son had become? He would probably beat some sense into him, how he often would do when he wasn’t good enough, when he was trying to protect his brother.  
  
He ran his hand through his blond hair. Looking up he saw a tearstained face, red puffy eyes and trembling hands. He turned his head to leave the object that could show him his own soul. Once he was outside the room he closed the door and let himself fall on the cold floor. With his back against the wooden door, he put his head into his hands. “Why do you always fuck everything up?”, he whispered to himself, a dry chuckle broke from his lips. _You are so stupid, you were getting better and now. Look at you a worthless mess. You are disgusting. You didn’t deserve him. You selfish shit._ said a familiar voice. He shook his head trying to get rid of it.  
  
When he finally could bring himself to stand up again. Then world outside his flat was sleeping. With trembling knees he stood up and went into the kitchen. he opened the cupboard over the sink, took out a glass and filled it with cold water. He drunk it all, his throat was dry from the hourlong sobbing and crying. Normally his flatmate would be there to save him from himself, to save him from his past. He would sit him down on the worn down couch in the small living room, he would hug him and ran his hands through his hair until he was better and the whole time he would whisper how important he is to him. But now without him what was it worth living for, apparently he wasn’t good enough to stay. His mind would return to the dark place without someone to save him.  
  
He gripped the sink and tried to hold back a sob. He was alone in this fucked up world. It was just sinking in right now, he had no one, nobody cared about him.  
  
Suddenly the glass in his hand broke, he just starred at it. He sighed and kneeled down to pick up the shattered pieces to throw them away. He moved his hand to pick up the mess, he was nearly finished as he cut himself with one broken piece. He hissed in pain. A tiny drop of scarlet red blood came out of the small wound on the palm of his hand dripping to the ground, with wide eyes he watched it. He remembers the one time a view months back when his flatmate found him in the bathroom with blood pooling around his scared wrist’s. The last suicide attempt. He didn’t want go down that path again, no with that method at least.  
  
Standing up straight with determination in his dull eyes he left the kitchen behind and went to his bedroom, opened the closet door and opened the safe in there. He took out the gun and just held it in his hand. The loaded gun was heavy in his hand, the voice in his head encouraged him. His feet walked from alone, he seemed to have loss control over them. He found himself again in front of the big mirror, where everything began everything will end.  
  
_He was standing in his room, today was the day, the day he would tell him everything. He looked himself up and down and tried again the speech that he had carefully written a month ago, the speech that he had memorized to perfection. he knew his roommate was in the kitchen making breakfast. His plan was to come up behind the other man, give him a hug, placing his own lips on the others neck and declare his love to him. He only wanted to do this because he was sure the other one would return his feelings. After making himself some courage he went to the kitchen and hugged him and planted a feather light kiss on the soft neck, the man startled spun around and slapped his face. “What was that?”, he asked still shocked. “Well, y’know I-you-…I-i really like you”, whispered the blond, holding his own cheek, which stung from the slap. The dark-haired took some steps back to put some space between them. “I’m sorry, but no. I don’t like you like that.” and after a pause he said “Y’know what i wanted to tell you today? I wanted to tell you that Adam, my **boyfriend** , asked me to move in with him and I’m gonna do it”, the man went out of the kitchen and a left the blond with panic in his blue orbs behind. After some time his flatmate emerged from his own room with a full duffle bag ready to go. As he went out the door he said in a cold voice,“I just going some days to Adam. i need some time to process this. Don’t do anything stupid.”_  
  
The blond was shook his head. Just because he was to damn stupid to hold his feelings in he lost his whole reason to live. He slowly took the gun to his left temple.  
  
The dark-haired man picked up his phone and saw that he had received a voice mail. He clicked on it, “Goodbye, I guess”, said clearly his flatmate through tears,”was never good at this things. I would say please forget me, but your the only one that could remember me, so please don’t forget me”, he could him chocking on his tears,”I hope that you can be happy with Adam. This is not your fault, Michael.” What the man couldn’t hear was the gunshot that was fired after the message or the limp body hitting the hard ground.  


**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first fic ever, I hope it's not to bad. English is not my first language, so excuse my grammar. Constructive criticism is much appreciated.  
> I wish you a fabulous day/night, wonderful human


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